Another Lesson

Fear of loss or lack of enough resources: Just when I think I am making progress, this fear rears its formidable head.

Photo by Jp Valery on Unsplash

Right before the Christmas holidays when I was counting every penny as monies had gotten tight, $k765 was taken from my bank account with no prior notice to be sent to the host of my website blog. I had peeked at the website subscription a few weeks prior and thought I had another year on the three-year program. I can understand why notices aren’t sent for monthly subscriptions, but annual and even more so tri-annual reminders or head-ups are helpful and offer good customer service.  At the end of the day, though, it was on me.

In this instance no reminder, no notification, was given, the monies were just removed from my bank account – surprise! In hindsight I should have contacted the webhost, but there was no easy way of doing that, so I contacted my bank and asked that the transfer of $756 be stopped. The bank representative said the only way of doing this was to file a fraud claim. Even though it wasn’t fraud, I didn’t know another way to stop the renewal from going through. The website has not been getting traffic. I’ve had it up for nearly five years, so it was time to rethink. Again, contacting the web host did not seem an easy option as there is no phone number listed anywhere.

So the bank filed the fraud claim, contacted the webhost, and put the $756 back in my account as a temporary measure while the claim was processed. The web host immediately took down my website. I thought this was going to be the end of the story. A few days later, the web host offered me a better deal and I signed up for a two-year program, which I will mark in my calendar and will remove the automatic renewal option. My account with the web host showed the initial invoice of $756, the charge back amount of $756 and the new renewal amount showed as paid. My website was back online.  I thought it was a done deal.

In late January, I returned from a short escape from winter, to find notification from the bank that they were removing the $756 from my account. I had a whiplash reaction, thinking they were sending this money to the web host. I immediately contacted the bank and while pacing back and forth, repeatedly affirmed to the poor CSR on the line, that that was my money and I should have some say as to where it goes. She said the web host provided proof that it was a legitimate transfer of funds, so I needed to take it up with them. I was distraught is to say the least.

It took a while, but with my daughter’s help, I was able to go on the web host site and repeatedly request from a chat bot to speak with a representative. After many attempts, success! A representative called me. She politely explained that it takes up to forty days for the funds from a charge back to be returned to the customer’s bank account. I finally understood what had happened. The bank’s representative hadn’t been clear, but then she was dealing with a nearly hysterical caller.  I felt quite chagrined and ashamed at the way I had handled the call with the bank representative. At the same time I was frustrated that it takes that long for a charge back to process, whereas a charge takes a day, perhaps minutes. As of this writing, I still do not have the monies returned, but it is still within the forty-day period.

However, my reactions reminded me of how attached I am to the security money offers me and how fear of loss can so easily take over. All the mantras of “I am One with the Divine” went out the window as soon as I was confronted with what I saw as a significant amount being withdrawn from my account unjustly. It was an instant fear response and battles on, instead of responding with love and treating each encounter as an encounter with another Divine Self.  There are and will always be more lessons and opportunities for learning and growth. So instead of battling what is, I say a huge thank you!