Loving Gifts of Self

Even though I had overwhelming early experiences of God and He continued to court me, I longed even more for romantic love. The kind one reads about in romance novels or views on television and at the movies. I desired an intense passion that would lead to happily ever after. I shunned God to pursue this other love; only I searched for it in the wrong places.

I dated many guys, often a couple at a time. I would go out with a wonderful, clean-cut, wholesome LDS (Latter Day Saint i.e. Mormon) man either preparing for a mission or just returned, and simultaneously a man with a more worldly bent. For example, I dated Jeremy who was the grandson of a California state senator. Jeremy lived in a grand home on a hill. He told me that he only dated me to have something pretty on his arm, and he told me what to wear and how to do my makeup, and I went right along with it. Ironically, I didn't see myself as attractive.

For ten years of my life I was a serial dater. I dated a construction worker who wrote beautiful poetry for me; I dated a violin maker, and we enjoyed symphonies and chamber quartets together. I dated a gang member who carried a sawed off shotgun in his trunk and kissed me in a way my lips bruised and swelled. I dated a photographer who took me to Mt. Tamalpais and had me model for him, while serving a champagne picnic. My first year of college I dated a gorgeous young man who snuck up to my dorm room. We drank screwdrivers together. If discovered, we could have been expelled. X broke up with me to pursue a mission. He made the choice of placing service to the Eternal over romance – something that would take me another 30 years to even begin to discover.

We cannot easily find God through the mind. Those who seek God through reason alone will not be able to fully comprehend the mystery. Instead, seek God through the heart. If God can be defined as powerful love energy, then to harmonize one must create love energy. One must be attractive to Love energy. One way to accomplish this is through service.

Photo byNathan LemononUnsplash

Every time one does a self-less act of love, one grows closer to the Eternal. Every time one chooses a love thought over a fear thought, one grows closer. Every time one relaxes the mind and opens the heart to God, one grows closer. Removing the blocks is a matter of trusting God, opening to the healing spirit that is of God, allowing the angels to assist you, and to not be afraid. “Fear Not,” says the angel of the Lord (Luke 1:30).

As humans, we are reasoning animals with the wonderful capacity of rational thought. Understanding and learning help direct us towards our path and to step on the bridge to God, but it is our heart that will carry us across into the awaiting arms of Love. God is Love; the purest and most powerful Love. This Love is an energy. It is active. For us to open and to reach out, our love must be energetic and active. There is the beautiful feeling of love that we can express one to another, as well as, to our God, but to be actively loving we must transfer this feeling into the action of serving one another in love.